Painted Trucks

Painted Truck Illusions
I do love optical illusions. However, there are quite a few "Optical Illusion" websites that show semi trucks that are painted to show a cool 3D effect. These pictures are circulating the internet and people are amazed at how good they look.
Am I the only one who realizes they are the exact same picture, only Photoshopped with an image inside? They don't even try to make it different. Same sky, same truck, same tree, same wall, same stretch of road. Now that the cat is somehow out of the bag, it stands to point out that these are not optical illusions at all. It's deleting a section of a photo and superimposing another. It's more like a Photoshop tutorial.

Somebody learns the perspective tool in Photoshop, and all of a sudden people start drooling over these amazing pictures. If you want to see something cool, check out some REAL examples of a REAL artist doing this for REAL

Also, this would be an awful marketing campaign. Let's take my example of a truck carrying a gigantic Billy Bush.

People driving behind the bus (Where 90% of the people who actually look at this thing will be) will see this:

Now, to pull this illusion off, we would need to discard of any valuable real estate that would normally have helpful pieces of information, such as Company name, phone number, or federally required safety placards. Commuters down I-75 would be subject to a skewed image if Billy Bush's already skewed head.

So, in spite of this, this truck keeps popping up all over the internet gussied up in all sorts of different 'paint jobs' to show the same effect. All I ask is that the perpetuaters of this internet craze to please, delete these pictures from the internet, burn your computers, and pay me restitution in the amount of $25,000 per occurrence.

-or-

Be a man and stop pretending that it's real.

And to use another picture of a truck, for crying out loud.

3D Truck Pictures... I hate you.

Top 8 Hilariously Awful Web Sites

The Utah Mormon Baby Namer
Tired of those boring ol' names that DON'T separate your child from all of his classmates? Do you need a name for your child that in itself is a form of child abuse? Enter the Utah Mormon Baby Namer. This gem of a website supplies naming suggestions for your very own Mormon baby boy/girl. What boy wouldn't love to be named Slaughter, Tugdick, Seven, Dent, or Zippie. And any young woman would love to be named Zion Anakin, X Y Zella, ShayDee, or Pork Chop (All names taken from the Utah Baby Namer)?

The CAP Alert
Are you worried that the movie you are about to see will turn your child into a heathen? Overly sensitive parents rejoice. The CAP Alert website is here to save you! The CAP report is an online reference for movies and some TV shows and how damaging they would be to watch. From acceptable movies, such as Mary Poppins and... not much else, iffy movies such as Wall-E, downright dangerous views such as the Dilbert animated show and every movie that isn't rated G. There are also a few movies that are so vile, the reviewer was unable to complete the review. One such movie was Matilda. Also, for added convenience, every link you click on opens a new tab.

Haven Works
My Eyes! My beautiful eyes! I still don't have a clue what this website is all about. I can't look at this page for any longer than 15 seconds. I suggest you just take my word for it on this one.

PSI Counsel
What happens when the crazy old guy who lives in the fenced-in house at the end of the street buys a WYSIWYG web page program? PSI Counsel happens. From government conspiracies to aliens to a New World Order Checklist. He even has a very nice article on how to escape to an off-the-grid shelter in the event of a declaration of martial law.

MySpace
Let me explain. The website itself is not bad... it's what the users do with it. MySpace allows it's users to be creative, often resulting in the most ghastly abominations known to man. If there ever was any reinforcement to Apple's business model of locking down the user interface to prevent users from turning their hardware into an ugly, unstable pile of junk, MySpace is it.

Pontificate
Again, nothing to do with ideological differences, but design. This is a website dedicated to John Paul II and is hosted by the Vatican City. The entire website is fairly below-par, but this one particular section is a sin in itself. Each date on the image causes a dialogue box to pop up when you move the mouse over it. Mixed with graphics circa 1994, this site is nearly unusable.

Vampire Cats Club
Angelfire is probably the worst thing to happen to the internet. Ever. The Vampire Cats Club is probably the worst thing to ever happen to Angelfire. This template-based site is dedicated to cats with vampire-like features. Namely, sharp fangs and pointy ears. I don't think I would be the first to point out that EVERY cat has both of these traits, thus making the entire website pointless. But at least we got to see lots of animated GIFs, including one for the background image, and a blood-dripping separator bar.

Official Website for Buddy Love
Another Angelfire spawn, unfortunately. Buddy Love is a Pro Wrestler and will destroy anybody who gets in his way! His website is equally macho, implementing a "Bruised Face Fuchsia" background, his own name confetti-falling (representing all of his opponents who are 'going down!') and little hearts, which are a play on his last name. The hearts can also look like upside down butts, which are about to be kicked. Interesting fun fact: Did you know that Buddy Love wears a size 18 shoe? He will use it to kick your size 18 face.


It's a large internet out there. Submit your own awful websites in the comments section!

Strangefacts.com

Today's website was designed a blind 14-year-old with ADHD and a tentative grasp of markup languages. Caution: This website contains very pixelated .jpgs and repetitive and ugly backgrounds. Viewer discretion is advised.
On that note, I give you StrangeFacts.com.

You know those emails that you get from your Aunt Kathy with the subject "FW:Fw:FW:FW:fw:FW:It's True!!!!!!!" and you have to scroll through three years of email headers and notes from people you have never even heard of and references to people/events you don't know but feel very voyeuristic reading.

Hey, Jackie! I just got this from Stan (STAN!!!) and thought that you and everybody else on my address list would want to see this!
-Karen

These emails, once you find the actual content, contain lists of "Facts" that are only validated by the fact that they were written down by somebody. Why would they waste time writing them if they weren't true, right?


Did you know...
*Popsicles contain equal amounts of sugar and aluminum shavings
*The first man to use the letter M was Walt Disney
*Your heart beats 150 times a minute. This is faster than a car engine running at 4000rpm.
*If you dream about killing a person, they will dream about being killed

Well these emails have been harvested from other people's websites and email junk filters into the entirety of StrangeFacts.com. On a first look, StrangeFacts has all the aesthetic appeal of a 2nd grade art class display case, but if you take a closer look, your first impressions will be validated.
Upon arrival to the main page, I was suddenly confused as to what it was I was supposed to do. Where are the strange facts? I began bashing my keyboard against the wall in frustration, but then noticed the helpful message "To continue, click a button below". Whew! Disaster was averted. I clicked on "Strange Fears" because I wanted to make sure that I didn't have any of them. Oh joy! A new window popped up. This is very convenient for me because I do hate having to use the on-site navigation tools or, god forbid, the back button on my browser. No, I much rather having a new window pop up on every link I click. So, I cracked my knuckles in anticipation for some good "Strange Fears". I hunkered down in my chair, adjusted my monitor for optimum viewing, and got my hopes up. WHAT?!? Under construction! That's false advertising! I wanted to link to StrangeFacts.com so you all could see what I was talking about, however when I clicked on the link to do so, that part was also under construction. HOW WILL I LINK TO HIS PAGE NOW?!? In fact, many of his pages are "Under Construction".

On a positive note, StrangeFacts.com does provide quite a public service. Every few lines is a black bar with a reminder to breathe. This was very useful because I was starting to asphyxiate as I was so enthralled with the facts that my brain began to cease involuntary functions.

*Did you know that 15,000 people die annually because of asphyxiation due to interesting reading material?


So why does this page exist? What could the motivation be? There are no ads and you can't buy a shirt with "Did you know that, in Africa, the sun rises and sets 3 times a day?" written on it. The answer is, promotion. That's right, if you look at the bottom of the page, this website was designed and maintained by Bram Hernick Media Inc. This very real company is very real and very established. They are incorporated (As the name suggests) and they have a sign and everything. That's right, this guy is selling his 'Hypertext Markup Language' and 'MSPaint' skills to the highest bidder. I was just about to contact them so I can have a bite of the Bram Hernick pie, but their Contact Us page was under construction. Five years is just not enough time to post a phone number to a web page.

From BHMedia.com:
"Our designers take the time to discus your needs, and goals for your web site."

I hate it when people take a freshman HTML course and think that entitles them to start a web design company. Strangefacts.com, I hate you.

Kids! Post your OWN strange facts in the comments section!

Offensive Poorly-Drawn Web Comic

Any user of StubleUpon is well familiar with the OPDWC (Offensive Poorly-Drawn Web Comic). There are TOO MANY OF YOU! We need to thin out the herd. Every three pages of the internet is:Let's dissect this comic into it's basic parts, shall we?
-MS Paint-style graphics for that "Anti-Comic" look.
-Little-to-no color for that "Anti-Comic" look.
-Non sequitur punchline only makes it funnier.
-Language that would be offensive if the year was 1953.
-Mentioning one or more of the following: Rape, Murder, Cancer, Aids, Child Molestation, Online Lingo, Nudity, and/or Gay people.
-Super-original signature with a 'Bonus' graphic in the signature line.
-Even though there is a new comic every day, doesn't mean there is a sacrifice in quality!

Just now, I hit the 'Stumble' button in my browser and got this:
http://lizprincepower.com/?page_id=75 - Liz Prince's totally funny web comic!
Go ahead... Click around. It's one nailbightingly bad comic after another. There is a reason your comic hasn't been adopted for an Adult Swim cartoon yet Ms. Prince. Because the very idea of anthropomorphic clouds with "Lightning Dicks" make me want to sand off my cornea. Do we understand each other, Liz?
Oh! And don't forget to pick up a T-Shirt while you're there!!!

Let's move on to this monstrosity. I assure you this is NOT a comic that I made, but an actual web comic. Give it up. Go take up a hobby that doesn't outlet to the public.

Fans of Cracked might recall seeing White Ninja. I am currently taking medication to prevent this memory from resurfacing later on in my life.

If you are the owner of an independent comic website with fewer that 8 readers per day (Besides your girlfriend, your room mates Turtle and Doug-o, and the dozens of people on Facebook who read your comic only because you bring it up in conversations and quiz them about what they saw), please give that "JoeTheBirdKiller.com" domain to an person who ISN'T going to waste precious, precious webspace. Possibly to a person to kills birds for a living. A person named Joe.

Offensive Poorly Drawn Web Comic... I hate you*.

*Except Explosm.net and xkcd.

Post the worst of the worst Web Comics in the comments section.