The Utah Mormon Baby Namer
Tired of those boring ol' names that DON'T separate your child from all of his classmates? Do you need a name for your child that in itself is a form of child abuse? Enter the Utah Mormon Baby Namer. This gem of a website supplies naming suggestions for your very own Mormon baby boy/girl. What boy wouldn't love to be named Slaughter, Tugdick, Seven, Dent, or Zippie. And any young woman would love to be named Zion Anakin, X Y Zella, ShayDee, or Pork Chop (All names taken from the Utah Baby Namer)?
The CAP Alert
Are you worried that the movie you are about to see will turn your child into a heathen? Overly sensitive parents rejoice. The CAP Alert website is here to save you! The CAP report is an online reference for movies and some TV shows and how damaging they would be to watch. From acceptable movies, such as Mary Poppins and... not much else, iffy movies such as Wall-E, downright dangerous views such as the Dilbert animated show and every movie that isn't rated G. There are also a few movies that are so vile, the reviewer was unable to complete the review. One such movie was Matilda. Also, for added convenience, every link you click on opens a new tab.
Haven Works
My Eyes! My beautiful eyes! I still don't have a clue what this website is all about. I can't look at this page for any longer than 15 seconds. I suggest you just take my word for it on this one.
PSI Counsel
What happens when the crazy old guy who lives in the fenced-in house at the end of the street buys a WYSIWYG web page program? PSI Counsel happens. From government conspiracies to aliens to a New World Order Checklist. He even has a very nice article on how to escape to an off-the-grid shelter in the event of a declaration of martial law.
MySpace
Let me explain. The website itself is not bad... it's what the users do with it. MySpace allows it's users to be creative, often resulting in the most ghastly abominations known to man. If there ever was any reinforcement to Apple's business model of locking down the user interface to prevent users from turning their hardware into an ugly, unstable pile of junk, MySpace is it.
Pontificate
Again, nothing to do with ideological differences, but design. This is a website dedicated to John Paul II and is hosted by the Vatican City. The entire website is fairly below-par, but this one particular section is a sin in itself. Each date on the image causes a dialogue box to pop up when you move the mouse over it. Mixed with graphics circa 1994, this site is nearly unusable.
Vampire Cats Club
Angelfire is probably the worst thing to happen to the internet. Ever. The Vampire Cats Club is probably the worst thing to ever happen to Angelfire. This template-based site is dedicated to cats with vampire-like features. Namely, sharp fangs and pointy ears. I don't think I would be the first to point out that EVERY cat has both of these traits, thus making the entire website pointless. But at least we got to see lots of animated GIFs, including one for the background image, and a blood-dripping separator bar.
Official Website for Buddy Love
Another Angelfire spawn, unfortunately. Buddy Love is a Pro Wrestler and will destroy anybody who gets in his way! His website is equally macho, implementing a "Bruised Face Fuchsia" background, his own name confetti-falling (representing all of his opponents who are 'going down!') and little hearts, which are a play on his last name. The hearts can also look like upside down butts, which are about to be kicked. Interesting fun fact: Did you know that Buddy Love wears a size 18 shoe? He will use it to kick your size 18 face.
It's a large internet out there. Submit your own awful websites in the comments section!
This web site SUCKSS!!!!!!11111!1!oneexclamationpoint!!one
ReplyDeleteOkay, maybe I should be productive and actually post one. While the website here is merely subpar, it's the content that makes me shudder to the utter core of my being. These babies, and the women that think they are real, need to be loaded into a crate, and shipped into outer space, where they can love on their hunks of plastic with real human hair and pretend to each other that their babies are real for all eternity.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.babycre8tions.com/reborns.htm
You idiot. I don't freakin pretend they are real. They are only works of art and they don't have human hair it is mohair from a goat. You obviously know nothing about our art.
ReplyDeleteGia Heath
Baby Cre8tions Nursery Reborn Artist and Owner